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Three guys at the AIVD headquarters

by Marthijn Uittenbogaard


Mister Y: 'WTF! This guy likes to watch girls vomiting over each other. He's being named as one of the candidates for leading the Socialist Party. If he likes this, maybe how radical must his views be on other subjects. And what about our reputation as a country if people would find out. We have to use our influence to stop his political career. Has he ever watched porn with an under-aged girl in it? How we're gonna stop him? Get me everything you got from him: his browsing history, his e-mails, his tax papers, everything.'

Mister X: 'We can also do just nothing. We can use this information when we need him to pass some laws.'

Mister Z: 'Too risky. We must keep ourselves under the radar as much as possible.'

Mister X: 'I have another urgent case here. That guy who has communist sympathies. He solicited for a job at the University of Amsterdam. We don't want him there. I will inform our guy in the job commission over there. If the others there want him to be appointed he can give them this information, slightly exaggerated for the good cause. I don't even know if he has communist views, it was just a retweet of an article without any comments made by him. But we just can't take these kind of risks. Our US friends would not be so forgiving if we would let him slip through. By the way, he's also very critical about multinationals. That kind of guy, so...'

Mister Y: 'Mark Rutte watched child porn again. He's doing it more and more.'

Mister Z: 'Well, as long as he does whatever he needs to do, I don't see a problem with it. We had several ministers fucking minors in Thailand remember. If Mark ever comes up in a police file we'll take care of it. We'll cover it up and if a police officer protests we'll get rid of him or her. No problem at all. Marky wants power. He thinks he has power.' * laughs * 'So he knows he has to be in line with the secret service and with the RVD.' (RVD = Dutch State Information Service)

Mister X: 'Okay, let's move on with today's list. That guy, that fucking pedophile, Marthijn, he is radicalizing. He used the word fascists a lot on his twitter-account lately.'

Mister Y: 'He is still on our Most Watched-list. Any unusual things lately?'

Mister X: 'Maybe. He still is thinking about starting a new political party. If he does so, can we like we did with the Martijn association just forbid him doing so? We have judges everywhere and we easily can place the right judges on such a case.'

Mister Z: 'Just keep me informed. Keep watching his every move outside on the streets. People he meet. I want to know every second of the day and night where he is and what he is doing. The Martijn-case was a useful one. Journalists interviewed him so now and then, even many foreign journalists did so. That stopped. Journalists are so predictable. Well, the ones we're not controlling that is.'

Mister X: 'He had contact with a radical vegan activist. Because of his partner who is very radical in animal rights.'

Mister Y: 'Yes, and also bothering is that he knows the software programmer, that American living here in the Netherlands. You know that case? Our police would use a new communication service that was not hackable for outsiders. But the problem was: our American friends could also not tap it. They had no back door as they are used to have and as they demand. So they insisted that we stopped this guys' work. His boss died a natural cause * laughs * and we made the software programmer nonexistent. Even his unique tax number was raised. He stopped to exist. Jobless, homeless, a friend took him in. A pedophile and that pedophile is a friend of Marthijn. That contact between these two bothers me.'

Mister Z: 'We'll keep watching and use our influence. He was also going to talk at a university and we managed with our contacts at the board of the university to prevent this. Just isolate all radicals and we live in a free society. I'm proud of our work. I love my freedom.'

Mister Y: 'Anything more on your list today?'

Mister X: 'Yes, Islam radicals.'

Mister Y: 'Well, I'm a bit tired of that Islam. Can we do that tomorrow morning?'

Mister Z: 'Yes, that stuff can wait. It's the same everyday.'

Mister X: 'Fine. I'm going home. Have a good fuck with your wives.'

Mister Y: 'My wife? No I'm going to the whores right now. I like that much more than fucking my own fucking wife. Because of my work, I know where to find the dirtiest and the kinkiest ones. See you tomorrow.'

Mister Z: 'Well, have fun.'

13 July 2017