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The Dutch Sex Top-40

by Marthijn Uittenbogaard

Most song in the charts are about love. But most of these love song are not about the love you have for your children or for your grandmother. Only some exceptions are about this kind of love. Josephine (1985, Number 3) by Chris Rea for instance, is about the love for his daughter. And the Dutch song Kon Ik Nog Maar Even Bij Je Zijn (1991, Number 1) by Gordon is about the love for his grandmother that passed away. And we all know the Mama-songs by for instance Heintje: Mama (1967, Number 9). These songs are not incestuous, although it's the question if that also counts for the duet by Serge Gainsbourg with his daughter Charlotte; Lemon Incest (1984/1985). This song did not reach the Dutch charts but was number 2 in France. And what about the babysitting song Clair (1972, Number 4) by Gilbert O'Sullivan?

Most of the love songs in the charts are about sex too because the person who's in love with the other wants also to make love (having sex) with the other. And the songs are sang by young people, from 16 years of age to roughly 35 years of age. Artists above 35 are already 'old' for a Top-40 hit. And artists above 50, they are very rare. We don't find them sexual attractive that much and singing, like dancing, is all about sex. The definition for dancing is: A vertical expression of a horizontal lust. Lyrics that are to sexual very explicit are giving us feelings of shame, of disgust and because of this those songs are rare. But they exist and here's a list: The Dutch Sex Top-40.

I write about all the sex songs that reached the Dutch Top-40. This list is incomplete because all the songs I name are the ones I could remember while writing this text.

Moaning

Let's begin with moaning songs. Serge Gainsburg sang with Jane Birkin the most famous moaning song. Je T'Aime... Moi Non Plus (1969, Number 2) was a huge hit. Another moaning song is the instrumental one French Kiss (1989, Number 1) by Lil Louis. When this moaning song was on the radio I remember my mother saying: Is this really necessary? In the music video you see a barely dressed toddler. I think such a video nowadays wouldn't be possible. Me So Horny (1990, Number 1) by the 2 Live Crew also had a bit of moaning. This song has very explicit lines and the Dutch dj's were proud to broadcast it on the radio during daytime. They always said: In the UK this is not possible. The song I Want Your Sex (1987, Number 1) by George Michael was also a problem in the UK: They replaced the word 'sex' for 'love'. Sex is natural / Sex is fun / Sex is special when it's one on one. Despite moaning songs there are also songs sang with horny voices. Sex Shooter (1984, Number 14) by Apollonia 6 and Nasty Girl (1982, Number 5) by Vanity 6. Vanity 6 is the same group as Appolonia 6. Prince was involved with this group. Prince had also himself sex songs. For instance he sang Sexy MF [motherfucker] (1992, Number 4) and also the song that was released as a B-side track on his single Let's Go Crazy (1985, Number 18) called Erotic City (with Sheila E.) If we cannot make babies / Maybe we can make some time / Fuck so pretty you and me / Erotic city come alive. In the Dutch song Sambal Bij (Op En Neer) (1998, Number 29) by Dingetje there's also moaning. In 1969 - what's in a number - we had the moaning song Erotica (1969, Number 23) by Man. And the long version of Love To Love You Baby (1975, Number 17) by Donna Summer also has a lot of moaning. This song by Baba & Roody we must also not forget: Hacka-Tacka Music (Number 11, 1979).

Words 'sex', 'sexy', 'fuck' and 'horny'

Sex in the title of a song is taboo, but the word fuck is even more taboo. George Michael wasn't the only one singing a song with the word 'sex' in the title. Let's Talk About Sex! (1991, Number 1) by Salt-n-Pepa is a famous one. Their hit Push It (1988, number 1) was also very sexual. Other songs are Sex On The Beach (1997, Number 3) by the Dutch T-Spoon and I Wanna Sex You Up (1991, Number 2) by Color Me Badd. And as an exception to the rule, 'old' man Tom Jones scored a hit with Sex Bomb (1999, Number 10). The word 'sexy' is less controversial. And it is used sometimes in a funny way. Like old Tom Jones or I'm Too Sexy (1991, Number 20) by Right Said Fred and Sexy And I Know It (2011, Number 6) by LMFAO. This song inspired many kids to undress on Youtube video's. In the end they only wear undies. Other songs are Da Ya Think I'm Sexy (1978, Number 4) by Rod Stewart. Did anyone find him sexy I wonder? And Sexy Boy (1998) by the French band called Air. This song did not chart but it is worth mentioning because usually boys are not allowed to be sexy. And from the seventies we all know You Sexy Thing (1975, Number 5) by Hot Chocolate. And more recent Sexy Bitch (2009, Number 3) by David Guetta ft. Akon.

And then we go to fuck. This word usually is written 'f**k' because of its controversy. Songs with fuck in the title are Who The Fuck Is James Brown (1992, Number 9) by Traumatic Stress, Alice, who the fuck is Alice? (1995, Number 1) by Gompie, What The Fuck Are We Saying? (1992, Number 25) by Lenny Kravitz, Fuck You (2013, did not chart) by Maria Mena, Fuck You (2009, Number 1) by Lily Allen, F**k It (I Don't Want You Back) by Eamon (2004, Number 1), F**k You! (2010, Number 1) by Cee Lo Green and Fuck Macarena (1996, Number 8) by MC Rage. This last song was a response to the song Macarana (Bayside Boys Remix) (1996, Number 1) by Los Del Rio. It showed us some 'dirty' old man and young women in the music video. The first version did not have the nice ladies in the music video and this song reached number 20 in 1993. One of the most controversial fuck-songs played on radio stations here is Fuk U In The Ass (1994, did not chart) by the Outhere Brothers. This group from Italy had more explicit songs that were and are played during day time in The Netherlands, even the uncensored versions. The Outher Brothers scored hits with Boom Boom Boom (1995, Number 15) and Don't Stop (Wiggle Wiggle) (1994, Number 4). Put your ass on my face / I love the way your pussy tastes / Girl you know you are the one / Shake that ass and make me cum / Girl you gotta suck my dick / And you got to suck it quick. Boom Boom stands for having sex. The Vengaboys had a hit with Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!! (1998, Number 1). Boom boom boom boom / I want you in my room / Let's spend the night together / From now untill forever/ Boom boom boom boom / I wanna go boom boom / Let's spend the night together / Together in my room. And let us not forget Everybody Fuck Now (1991, Number 18) by the Sissy Penis Factory. Come on let's fuck / Let my pussy take control / Let my juices move you.

We already named Me So Horny but there's more. The Dutch word for 'horny' is 'geil'. Titt'n had a hit with Ben Je Geil Of Wil Je Een Koekje (1998, Number 5). Meaning: Are you horny or do you want a cookie. The German duo Bruce & Bongo had a hit with Geil (1986, Number 15). Another German act was not very horny, Rammstein charted with Keine Lust (2005, Number 33). Keine Lust means: No lust. Their song Pussy (2009) did not chart in Holland. Supergeil! (2016) by Die Vengaboys mit Coen und Sander didn't chart either.

Sexy music videos

There are tons of music videos with sexy women in it. Let's name some of the trend setters. Madonna was famous for her sexy look in the eighties. Some joked at that time: What's the difference between a video made by Madonna and a porn movie? Answer: The music in porn movies is much better. One of the first major hits by Madonna is Like A Virgin (1984, Number 4). And she charted with the sex song Erotica (1992, Number 8). Also worth mentioning is Addicted To Love (1986, Number 34) by Robert Palmer. That music video had sexy women with a lot of make up on their faces.

In Wicked Game (1991, Number 5). We see Chris Isaak on the beach with a young woman in her undies. In the nineties music videos were becoming more and more sexual. Stations like MTV and TMF changed their policy and broadcasted sexy clips only late in the evening. This after complaints from society and from politicians. Lapdance (2001, Number 22) by N.E.R.D. was only broadcaster after - I think - 10 o'clock in the evening. More and more songs had two versions: One uncensored and one censored one. Weekend (2003, Number 17) from Scooter. Here you see a woman licking a tit of another woman. This song is a cover from the Dutch band Earth And Fire. Their Weekend (1979, Number 1) was a huge hit. Girls On Film (1981) by Duran Duran showed sexy girls but did not chart. David Lee Roth's California Girls (1985) didn't chart either. In the seventies and eighties sexy girls in videos was not so explicit - without some exceptions - as it is from the nineties 'till this day. Today we have an almost naked Miley Cyrus sitting on a Wrecking Ball (2013, Number 11). Katy Perry in California Gurls (2010, Number 2) almost nude on a cloud. Or a sexy video Dirrty (2002, Number 2) by Christina Aguilera ft. Redman. How much sperm has that video released from hot boys and men? She could drown in it I'm sure.

P!nk did not like all the sexy girls in music videos and she produced Stupid Girls (2006, Number 9). I thought it a bit hypocritical because P!nk herself also uses her sexy body in her videos. You can always use sex for selling your songs. Latoya Jackson desperately came up with Sexbox (1991, Number 25) but it gave her not much hit success. Her brother, who was In The Closet (1992, Number 9), dreamed silently about young boys instead of Dirty Diana (1988, Number 2). The video In The Closet featured famous model Naomi Campbell. The German band Kraftwerk had released the still famous song The Model (1978) that did not chart. George Michael's Too Funky (1992, Number 3) featured models on a catwalk. As I said, the list of sexy music videos is almost endless. But let's mention some more of them. Satisfaction (2003, Number 16) by Bennie Benassi, Call On Me (2004, Number 4) by Eric Prydz, Star To Fall (2005, Number 15) by Cabin Crew, The Weekend (2004, Number 12) by Michael Gray and Blurred Lines (2013, Number 1) by Robin Thicke, T.I. & Pharrell. This song got a lot of criticism by women calling themselves feminists. But true feminist like nice bodies of boys, girls, men and women. A special mention goes to the music video Owner Of A Lonely Heart (2005, Number 18) by Max Graham Vs. Yes. In this song pubescent boys look at sexy women. Pubescent girls looking at sexy men would be more problematic I guess. And what to think about the music video: My Doorbell (2005, Number 37) by The White Stripes. Sexy men in music videos are much less common. Sexy kids even more. Well, there is a sexy girl in the video of the song Lambada (1989, Number 1) by Kaoma. She's dancing with an even younger kid, a brown boy. I liked the boy.

Homosexuality

The Pet Shop Boys had a gay music video with Domino Dancing (1988, Number 7). The most famous gay band is The Village People. They charted with hits like In The Navy (1979, Number 1) and Y.M.C.A. (1978, Number 1). It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. / They have everything / For young men to enjoy / You can hang out with all the boys. Some people only later found out that this band was gay. How could I not have seen this, they wondered. In the seventies people didn't talk much about gay issues on the radio. That changed during the eighties. Everyone knew by then that Elton John was a homosexual. You knew Boy George of Culture Club - scored a huge hit with Karma Chameleon (1983, Number 1) - was gay. Or that the song Smalltown Boy (1984, Number 1) by Bronski Beat was about gay hatred. It was a song from their album Age of Consent. The age of consent was 21 in the U.K. and only at the beginning of this century they changed it to sixteen: The same age for heterosexual relations. In the eighties you had much more gay bands and singers then nowadays I think. As if it's more of a problem even when Lady Gaga tops the chart with Born This Way (2011, Number 1). Gay band Franky Goes To Hollywood released Relax (1984, Number 5) and because of the lyrics this song was banned in the U.K. But because of the ban it topped the charts there. Frankie Goes To Hollywood's Welcome To The Pleasuredome (1985, Number 12) was also very sexual. Elton John sang Nikita (1985, Number 1). Nikita is a Russian boys name. But the music video featured a woman. Closeted George Michael was caught in the act by an undercover police man in the USA. The USA likes to hunt. Afterwards he came with the song Outside (1998, Number 11). George likes Fastlove (1996, Number 14) and he's a bit of a Freeek! (2002, Number 8). Can I come on in / My sweet baby / Can I move on in. In Amazing (2004, Number 15) George Michael sings: We're like victims of the same disease. And in Fastlove: I do believe that we are practicing the same religion. Shut Up (And Sleep With Me) (1995, Number 4) by Sin With Sebastian can also be counted as a gay song. You are young you're free / Why don't you sleep with me. And do you remember Crucified (1991, Number 2) by the Army Of Lovers? Boys & Girls (1994, Number 24) by Blur maybe is a song for all sexual identities.

Dutch artist Zangeres Zonder Naam made the famous song Luister Anita (1977). This song was criticizing homophobic Antita Bryant. It was not a chart hit but the song is famous in the Dutch gay community. Gay artist Paul de Leeuw scored a carnival hit with Ik Heb Een Euromast (1993, Number 4). About his stiff dick. O wat ruikt ie fijn / Ik heb een Euromast / Een beetje naar azijn. In carnival songs you can make sex suggestions because it's funny and then there is more allowed. In The Netherlands it's tradition that many artists sing carnival songs and for years almost every year some of those songs entered the Top-40. I will come to carnival songs later. Paul de Leeuw had an television show where he interviewed René Klijn. Klijn was a gay man with aids, he was already very sick at the time of the interview. He sang Mr. Blue (1993, Number 1) during this television show. This interview had so much impact that the song chopped the charts not long afterwards. Later that same year Klijn died of aids. In the Netherlands there once was a song about a transsexual in the charts, but also not serious but humor: Transsexueel (1993, Number 10) by Ronald.

Lesbian artists are more uncommon than male homosexuals. But Katy Perry gave us the song I Kissed A Girl (2008, Number 1). She liked it.

Prostitution

Roxanne (1979, Number 21) by The Police is a famous song about prostitution. You don't have to put on the red light. Tina Turner sang Private Dancer (1984, Number 4). All the men come in these places / And the men are all the same / You don't look at their faces / And you don't ask their names / You don't think of them as human / You don't think of them at all / You keep your mind on the money / Keeping your eyes on the wall. Dirty Cash (Money Talks) (1990, Number 1) by the Adventures Of Stevie V. Take me and abuse me / I got no taboos / I'll make a trade with you / I'll do anything you want me to. All these songs are not very positive about prostitution. The Dutch song Ik Doe Wat Ik Doe (1973, Number 6) by Astrid Nijgh is slightly less negative. Zeg wees eens lief / Wil je niet effe langer blijven / Dan leg je gewoon een meijer bij / Wees maar gerust ik ben niet als die wijven / Die veel beloven en niks doen / Da's niets voor mij / Ik doe wat ik doe / En vraag niet waarom / Ik doe wat ik doe / En misschien is dat dom / Maar ik vraag toch ook niet aan jou / Waarom je het hier doet en niet bij je vrouw. And the Dutch song Een Beetje Geld Voor Een Beetje Liefde (1982, Number 2) by Angelique is also a funny song about prostitution. Funny in the sense like carnival or parody. It's a cover from the song Ein bißchen Frieden (1982, Number 1) by Nicole. Dutch singer Rob de Nijs had a hit with Malle Babbe (1975, Number 8). And - also Dutch - Liefde In De Nacht (1994, Number 11) by Nico Landers.

Hot female singers (and some male singers)

Some artist are very famous for their sexy appearance. Would Boys (Summertime Love) (1987, Number 5) have become a hit without Sabrina showing off her tits? Dutch group Barbarella scored a huge hit with We Cheer You Up (In The Pin-Up Club) (1989 Number 4). Dutch singer Vanessa had huge tits and she also sang: Upside Down (1982, Number 2). Same here, a girl with tits: Chica Cubana (1987, Number 10) by Tatjana. Another hot song: Lady Marmalade (2001, Number 2) by Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mya & P!nk. Yes, the same P!nk from above. Voulez-vous Coucher Avec Moi Ce Soir means Do you want to sleep with me tonight? Originally is was a hit by Labelle (1974, Number 1). The sexy Dutch band Luv' had many hits: (Ooh) Yes I do (1979, Number 5) is one of them. Despite female singers male singers are not allowed to be very sexual. Even most boy bands don't show much of their bodies. An exception is the song Pray (1993, Number 36) by Take That. And some music videos by the Backstreet Boys were sexual. So back to the girls. Britney Spears was a hot girl. Her first hit was ...Baby One More Time (1999, Number 1). There she had the schoolgirl look. Her song Boys (2002, Number 7) is full of sex too. Compare this song with Baccara's Yes Sir I Can Boogie (1977, Number 1). You can do what? Boogie? All night long?

I don't want your money honey / I want you love. I Want Your Love (1988, Number 23) was a hit by Transvision Vamp. The act 20 Fingers want love too but not from a Short Dick Man (1994, Number 7).

Sexcrime

Sometimes people like girls very young, the so called Lolita complex. Alizée sang her way into the charts with Moi...Lolita (2001, Number 2). Bruce Springsteen topped the charts with I'm On Fire (1985, Number 1). This song was not released as a single in the USA. I think it must be the lyrics that could be misinterpret: Hey little girl is your daddy home? / Did he go and leave you all alone? / Mm-hm, I got a bad desire / Oh oh oh, I'm on fire. In the Netherlands we had some sort of the same song by Nico Haak: Is Je Moeder Niet Thuis (1978, Number 8). I remember controversy about Billy Ocean's song Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car (1988, Number 1). In the USA some people thought it was about kidnapping and rape. Which of course wasn't the case. A sick song from Austria about kidnapping by a maniac was Jeanny (1986, Number 1) by Falco. Eurythmics gave us the song Sexcrime (Nineteen Eighty-Four) (1984, Number 10). The song is from the movie Nineteen Eighty-Four, based on the famous novel from George Orwell. Another hit by Eurythmics is Sweet Dreams (1983, Number 9). Some of them want to use you / Some of them want to get used by you / Some of them want to abuse you / Some of them want to be abused. The Prodigy came with Smack My Bitch Up (1997, Number 19). Nico Haak likes playing piano for his aunt but didn't like her hanging over him with her tits on his shoulder: Tante Julia (1974, did not chart) by Nico Haak & Boudewijn de Groot. Pharrell William's music video It Girl (2014, did not chart) shows lolicon art. In the Dutch song Iedereen Doet 't (1986, Number 9) - meaning: Everybody does it - by Robert Long. He sings about the fact that everyone is doing it. He sings: The pope does it in his dreams. And: Pedophiles do it while kneeling. Rob de Nijs had a hit with Het Werd Zomer (1977, Number 10). This is a pederastic song without many people knowing it. The song is written by homosexual Joost Nuissl. It's about a boy of 16 who has sex for the first time with someone he met at the beach. This someone is 28 years old. Nowhere in the song is a mentioning of the sex of the older person. Only that that person wears nothing except long blond hair. There are two versions of the song. The hit version is slightly different. In the original version the boy is 14 years of age. Rob de Nijs, who is straight, knew he was singing a gay song while the public did not. Today people would call the man a Dirty Ol' Man (1973, Number 1). A hit by The Three Degrees. But I'm sure Billy Idol drove many teenage girls wet in the eighties. He charted with Sweet Sixteen (1987, Number 7). In the Dutch song 15 Miljoen Wensen by Vormfout is the text: Een zoon die noemt zijn vader junk / Z'n moeder is een hoertje / Hij zelf speelt in verboden films / Samen met z'n kleine broertje. Meaning: A son calls his father a junk / His mother is a whore / He himself acts in illegal films / Together with is little brother. It's a parody song based on 15 Miljoen Mensen (1996, Number 1) by Fluitsma & van Tijn; a song about how great Holland is. The Police sang a song about a teacher that stands to close to a student: Don't Stand So Close To Me (1980, Number 3).

Asses

George Michael sings in Freeek!: It's a tits and ass world you gotta be prepared. Well tits enough in music videos, lets talk about asses. TAPP reached the charts with Shake That Ass (1994, Number 28). Def Rhymz likes shaking asses: Schudden (2001, Number 1). Destiny's Child scored in that same year a hit with Bootylicious (2001, Number 3). Another ass song is Shake That (2006, did not chart) by Eminem ft. Nate Dogg. Come on girl / Shake that ass for me. Eminem likes asses a lot because here's another ass song from him: Ass Like That (2005, Number 29). Scooter - they made many sexual music videos - charted with Shake That (2004, Number 31). Shake that booty is the text of this song.

Clothes

If you want to have sex, usually you must take off your clothes. Nelly had a hit with Hot In Herre (2002, Number 4). It's gettin' hot in here / So take off all your clothes / I am getting so hot / I wanna take my clothes off. In Don't Be So Shy (Filatov & Karas Remix) (2017, Number 7) by Imany they sing: Take off your clothes. Jermaine Stewart thought different on this subject: We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off (To Have A Good Time) (1986, Number 7). Club 69 had the solution: Let Me Be Your Underwear (1993, Number 10). What's inside the underwear? Well if it's Chef's underwear you will find his Chocolate Salty Balls (1999, Number 6). Or you will find a fat cock. De Dikke Lul Band had a hit with Dikke Lul (1994, Number 3) meaning: Fat cock.

Results of sex

Sex can result in a baby. Proof of this is All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You (1990, Number 5) by the band Heart. You can imagine his surprise / When he saw his own eyes. Papa Don't Preach (1986, Number 2) by Madonna is about teenage (or young women's) pregnancy. Another result can be a sexual disease. Kool Moe Dee gave us the advise: Go See The Doctor (1987, Number 6).

Solo sex

She Bob (1984, Number 34) by Cyndi Lauper handled female masturbation. And while masturbating you can watch pornography. The mother of the Beasty Boys threw away their best porno mag in (You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party!) (1987, Number 10). You can also use a dildo. Interactive scored a hit with their song Dildo (1992, Number 21). The music video of Kernkraft 400 (2000, Number 8) by Zombie Nation showed us girls eager for dildos.

Carnival hits

There are many Dutch carnival or other joking hits dealing with sexuality. I already mentioned some of them. Let's name some more. 'k Heb Hele Grote Bloemkolen (1979, Number 79) by André van Duin, Hij Maakte Me Gek (...Met Z'n Vingers) (1996, Number 6) by Foetsies, Als Het Gras Twee Kontjes Hoog Is (1976, Number 4) by Hydra, Als Je Inlegkruisje Maar Goed Zit (1996, Number 27) by Vader Abraham, Liefde Is Lekker Maar Lekker Is Niet Altijd Liefde (1991, Number 9) by by Hanny, Mijn Kijkdoos (1992, Number 29) by Hanny, Maar Vanavond Heb Ik Hoofdpijn (1990, Number 3) by Hanny, Wie Zeurt Krijgt Een Beurt (1998, did not chart) by Titt'n, Lauwe Pis (2007, Number 1) by Theo Maassen En De Kapotte Kontjes. He sings: Ik hou van jonge meisjes want die zijn zo lekker nauw. Meaning: I love young girls because they are so tight.

Ending this article with a useless man

The longer I'm busy with this article - I'm writing it in a couple of hours - the more I come up with songs I can use for this text, but like I said: It's not exclusive. What I must name is the song Sexual Healing (1982, Number 3) by Marvin Gaye. Many people like to have sex with this song playing in the background. And I have two song by the Bloodhound Gang dealing with sex: Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss (2006, Number 23) and The Bad Touch (1999, Number 17). You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals / So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Kissing is a sexual act that is not controversial at all to sing about. Even if you wish to kiss someone all over his or her body: Kiss You All Over (1978, Number 7) by Exile. Rihanna Likes S&M (2011, Number 8). I finish this text with maybe the most perverted text ever in a Dutch Top-40 hit. It's a song by Minty. He died of an aids related disease. The song is called Useless Man (1995, Number 22) and here are the lyrics: Boot lickin, piss drinkin, fingerfriggin, tit tweakin, love bitin, arse lickin, shit stabbin, mother fuckin, spunk lovin, ball bustin, cock suckin, fist fuckin, lipsmackin, thirst quenchin, cool livin, ever givin, useless man.

27 January 2017 (Last update: 21 February 2017)